Homicidal for the Holidays
by SHADO Commander
Summary: What if Kim Possible was a holiday special?  Yes, it a sing-along musical tribute to those classic Rankin-Bass extravaganzas of yesteryear like RUDOLPH and FROSTY... but with a lot more sex and violence. And KiGo. NOW COMPLETE! Snow Daze 2 entry
1. Chapter 1

_Author's Note: Welcome to my entry in whitem's second annual Snow Daze contest. Last year I went a bit crazy and put up several separate Kim Possible themed Xmas carols, my entry for the contest and my epic HOP ON POSSIBLE OR HOW SHEGO STOLE KIMNESS, but this year time is tight and I'm working on something else that people have been screaming for, so I decided to shovel all the different things I did last year into one single monstrosity and produce a tribute to all the old Holiday specials from when I was growing up. You know the recipe: Take a famous Holiday Song, twist the lyrics around a bit and add some new material, then hook them all together to form a sort of story. If you want, you can imagine this being done in awkward stop-motion animation. I don't know why you would, but maybe you find it kinky. Meanwhile, I'll struggle desperately to keep things just within the limits of a T rating. I'll probably fail, but hope you enjoy it anyway and Happy Holidays. (Legal at bottom.) _

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**HOMICIDAL FOR THE HOLIDAYS **

By SHADO Commander

PART ONE – I'LL HAVE A BRUISED CHRISTMAS WITHOUT YOU

###############################################D

(NOTE: Dialog in _italics_ is SUNG)

Middleton. The night before Christmas. All is calm… and then it gets bright as a glowing aura of light appears, forming into Tara, Monique and Bonnie dressed as Angels. Tara and Monique are dressed in classic white robes with pristine white wings and gleaming gold halos. Bonnie is dressed, if it can be called that, as a Victoria's Secret angel, in barely-there underwear, black wings and a her halo that is decidedly bent and skewed off center. As one, they begin to sing to the tune of **THE LITTLE DRUMMER BOY**

TARA, MONIQUE & BONNIE:

_We're the chorus,  
Tara – Monique – Bon Bon…  
We've got this lame ass job,  
Tara – Monique – Bon Bon…  
Our job is to narrate,  
Tara – Monique – Bon Bon…  
(For a flat Union Rate,)  
Tara – Monique – Bon Bon,  
Tara - Mon – Bon…  
Tara - Mon – Bon…_

_So, we'll stand around,_  
_Tara – Monique – Bon Bon…_  
_And comment on…_  
_All that goes on…_

BONNIE: Our story begins on a cold winter night, when the snow is so deep,

MONIQUE: In the city of Middleton, where almost all are asleep,

TARA: Almost everyone, that is, except for a certain green creep…

FADE to the streets of Middletong, where SHEGO, that plasma wielding wicked bitch of just north of Go city, is currently stomping through the streets of Middleton on a tear, leaving a long trail of slushy footprints in the new-fallen snow as she randomly incinerates Xmas decorations, parking meters and the occasional pair of police officer's trousers. And yes, because this is a musical, she's singing.)

SHEGO:

_(To the tune of _I WANT A HIPPOPOTAMUS FOR CHRISTMAS_)_

_I want to nail __Kim__Possible__'s ass for Christmas,  
'Cause whipping Kimmie's butt is all I want,  
Don't want no bufoons,  
Or number two Will Du's,  
When it comes to banging, __Kim__'s the only one I'll choose!_

_I want to nail __Kim__Possible__'s ass for Christmas,  
'Cause fighting is what me and Kimmie do,  
And with no Drakken there,  
Or henchmen in my hair,  
I'm going to leave my Princess' butt a royal shade of blue!_

_I'll creep up on her while she's sleeping,  
And the sidekick's not around,  
Then I'll launch a sneak attack,  
And flip Kimmie on her back,  
And nail some Possible ass into the ground!_

_I want to nail Kim Possible's ass for Christmas,  
I'm gonna have me a piece of Pumpkin pie,  
I'll grab that cute cheerleader,  
And then proceed to beat her  
And I'm gonna enjoy it all, I ain't a gonna lie!_

_I want to nail Kim Possible's ass for Christmas,  
Though I'm a bit unclear on what comes next,  
I ought to throw her to the floor,  
And rough her up some more,  
But for some reason I keep sensing this strange KiGo undertext…_

_There's something about fighting Kim,  
That makes me feel so good,  
Could it be that just a fraction,  
Of that's caused by attraction?  
Let me clarify so I won't be misunderstood! _

_I'm going to Kim Possible's ass for Christmas,  
And only nailing Kim Possible will do,  
It's more than rivalry,  
I guess I must confess,  
After all there's reason I keep calling her Princess!_

_I want to get my Kimmie in a corner,  
Though after that my plans are kind of loose,  
I want to Kung Fu around,  
And then get down to grips,  
But most of the time I'm just thinking of her lips!_

_I keep seeing Kim in all of my dreams,  
Sneaking in my lair,  
But in my dreams her mission suit,  
Has somehow got the boot,  
And she crawls into my bed completely bare…_

_But I want to nail Kim Possible for Christmas,  
And those thoughts don't make me a lesbian, you know,  
But when I watch her move,  
It really makes me groove,  
And then I just want to strip her naked from head to toe!_

_I want to nail Kim Possible's ass for Christmas,  
And that's exactly what I'm going to do,  
Drakken said to beat her,  
So I will and when I've won,  
I'm gonna teach my Kimmie a new kind of one on one!_

_I keep fantasizing about my Princess,  
Laid out on my sheets,  
A natural redhead,  
Spread eagled on my bed,  
An all you can eat buffet of Pumpkin treats!_

_I'm gonna nail Kim Possible's ass for Christmas!  
And teach her a new kind of Xmas cheer!  
I'll ring all Kimmie's chimes,  
a couple of hundred times,  
And I won't stop ringing them, until we ring in the new year!_

_And hopefully Kim will ring in my chimes too!_

(With determined purpose, Shego continues down the street as the CHORUS reappears, flitting in on their tiny wings.)

BONNIE: You want to bet on that Shego? The odds are quite steep!

MONIQUE: But if you're looking for Kim, she's collapsed in a heap,

TARA: ignoring her Kimmunicator, which keeps going beep beep beep!

TARA, MONIQUE & BONNIE: (singing to the tune of HARK, THE HERALD ANGELS SING)

_Kim is sleeping like a log,  
Last night she had too much egg nog,  
And little does our Kimmie know,  
That Shego's thinking of KiGo...  
Ki Go oh oh oh  
Ki Go oh oh oh  
Who knows where this plot will go?  
Time to get back to… the… show…_

Fade in on KIM'S APARTMENT. A rumpled Kim Possible lies in a well tossed bed, trying to ignore the frantic beeping of her Kimmunicator, which lies on the floor next to the bed amidst a pile of discarded clothing, an empty carton of eggnog and a personal pleasure device. After a few minutes of attempting to block the sound with her pillow, she can finally stand the noise no longer and grabs the device… the Kimmunicator, that is… from the floor and switches it on to reveal the face of Wade, who is wearing a Santa hat and a very serious expression. Kim doesn't even blink as Wade suddenly bursts into song.

WADE: (Singing to the tune of WE NEED A LITTLE CHRISTMAS)

_There's trouble KP,  
A certain green fiend is out on the streets again!  
I know it's early,  
But the authorities say they need your services now!_

_They need you to go fight Shego,  
Right this very minute,  
You've got to catch that villain,  
Find a jail, then put her in it!  
Yes, you need to go fight Shego,  
Right this very second,  
I know it's early for a sitch, but you need to go and stop that bitch!_

KIM: I'm on her… er, it, Wade!

(Kim snaps off the Kimmunicator and leaps out of bed, revealing that Kim Possible sleeps in the raw, and picks up the tune in progress as she runs frantically to her closet and starts grabbing clothes. Unfortunately, her purple mission suit is covered with tapioca – don't ask –so she stuffs it in the dirty laundry hamper and instead grabs her old and very battle-worn original outfit. )

KIM:

_New suit's in the wash!  
Gonna have to wear this old black and olive green,  
No panties or bra,  
But going commando will save lots of time anyhow…_

_'Cause though I've grown a little older, grown a little wiser,_  
_My boobs aren't any bigger, they haven't grown a size-er,_  
_And if I'm going to go and tangle, with that green heat miser,_  
_I've got to get a move on now!_

_For I've got to catch that villain, put her in the slammer,_  
_Kick a little green ass, wham bam thank you ma'am-er,_  
_I'll just put on a little makeup, then lower the hammer,_  
_And then I'll go fight Shego now!_

_Don't need to call Ron,  
I can't afford to let him be distracting me,  
Brush hair and perfume,  
It'll get smudged but I should try to look good anyhow,_

_'cause I've got to go fight Shego, right this very minute._  
_I hope she wears her cat suit, she really looks good in it,_  
_Yes I've got to get Shego, right this very instant,_  
_I'm leaving now at a double trot,_  
_Come on Shego, lets see what you've got!_

By now Kim is running down the stairs of her apartment and out on the street, where the trusty Sloth awaits.

KIM:

_Jump in the old Sloth,  
Borrowed rides can't beat having your own machine,  
Re-check the make up,  
Hit the accel and hope I'll be fighting with Shego soon now!_

_For though I've learned even more skills, gotten even better,_  
_I've never had a challenge, like when we fight together,_  
_And I wish I could fight Shego, everyday forever,_  
_I need to go fight Shego now!_

_And though it may seem quite strange, when I'm thinking of her,_  
_Whether when she's fighting, or flying in her hover,_  
_The truth is that in my heart, I kind of sort of love her,_  
_So I've got to go get Shego now!_

_Yes it's true that I like Shego,  
And right this very minute,  
I'm thinking of that villain,  
And a bed with us both in it!  
But I'll stay inside the closet,  
Because that's what is expected,  
And make do with fighting Shego now!_

And with that, Kim Possible speeds off for her date with destiny. The question is, will it be the kind of date that requires flowers, or the kind etched on a tombstone? What do the Angels have to say?

BONNIE: So Kim's off to fight Shego, that was sure quick

MONIQUE: But can she defeat her? It'll be quite a trick!

TARA: But before we get to that, where the hell's the sidekick?

TARA, MONIQUE & BONNIE: (Singing to the tune of UP ON THE HOUSETOP)

_Outside Kim's window,  
Someone slinks,  
It's the Ronster, full of kinks,  
He's up to something but just what?  
No doubt some kind of sneaky plot!  
Ho Ho Ho  
What does he know?  
Ho Ho Ho  
Where will he go?  
Off of Kim's window, Ron pulls the grating,  
This next bit may be pushing our "T" rating!  
_  
Thanks to a little bit of monkey mojo, the window to Kim's bedroom easily pops open and Ron sticks his head inside. Seeing that the coast is clear, he furtively flips into the room and pulls out his Roncom.)

RON: It's clear Wade. Thanks!

WADE: Just remember you that you owe my share, okay?

RON: No problemmo, big W. The Ron man's got you covered… and speaking of covered…

(Ron trots over to Kim's closet, pulls it open and, yes, begins to sing.)

RON:

(to the tune of WALKING IN A WINTER WONDERLAND)

_Kim's away, on a mission,  
So without, her permission,  
Into her closet I'll bound,  
While she's not around,  
And try on all of KP's underwear!_

_Kim's drawers are loads of fun for the Ron-man,  
Every time that Kimmie's out of town,  
Can I wear KP's high heels? Yes, I sure can!  
I'll try on every single dress and gown!_

_I'll pose for a close-up,  
In her bra, (it's a b-cup,)  
In Kim's negligee,  
I'll dance and be gay,  
Dancing round in KP's underwear!_

_Kim Possible has no idea that her friend Ron,  
Looks better in most of her clothes than her,  
Do I take some of them home? All the time, Mon!  
She's never even wondered where they were!_

_A sweet Kimmie panty,  
On my ass, they're so scanty,  
And they're worth lots in trade,  
When I give them to Wade,  
Who also loves KP's underwear!_

_You'd be surprised at how many cross dressers,  
There are running around in Middleton,  
Are some of those main villains? Sure Professor!  
And I'll bet you can guess another one…_

(CUT TO DRAKKEN's latest lair, where that blue sneaky pervert is breaking into Shego's room)

DRAKKEN:

_Gone away is Miss Green Socks,  
So I've picked all her room's locks,  
And while Shego's away,  
Old Doc D will play,  
Wearing Shego's dirty underwear!_

_Wearing Shego's used undies,  
makes for the most fun days,  
They smell like old plasma,  
And set off my asthma,  
But I love Shego's dirty underwear!_

_The rush is so mighty,  
When I wear her nightie,  
I'll fondle and caress,  
Her panties crotchless,  
Wearing Shego's dirty underwear!_

_In her spare cat suit,  
I'm off on a toot,  
To meet friends in Shego's underwear!_

(Segue to THE MIDDLETON DRAG CLUB, where Ron is now fully dressed as Kim, Drakken dressed as Shego, Wade inexplicably and rather unbelievably dressed like Dolly Parton… and they've been joined by Will Du, who is now wearing Dr. Director's clothes and ten inch heels)

RON, DRAKKEN, WADE & WILL:

_And of course we always get together,  
Every time the girls are out of town,  
Four cross dressing Birds Of a feather,  
Going out to promenade around!_

_The girls' clothes, they're so thrilling,  
Our hearts are overfilling,  
Parading in drag, is simply our bag,  
Wearing Kim and Shego's underwear!_

WILL:

_And here's a news flash:  
Kim's Panties are my eyepatch!  
How can I go wrong,  
When I've got Possible's thong?_

RON, DRAKKEN, WADE & WILL:  
_We're wearing Kim and Shego's underwear!_

As the boys hit a high note and a freeze-pose, Bonnie, Monique and Tara flap into the room, shaking their heads

BONNIE: Well, that was certainly quite strange and twisted…

MONIQUE: Now I have memories that I wish never existed!

TARA: Such naughtiness, Santa says, makes them permanently blacklisted…

BONNIE: But what bothered me most was Ron had camel toe!

MONIQUE: And that's half of our story, there's still one half to go…

TARA: But the writer's backed up a bit, so it'll come soon, y'know?

TO BE CONCLUDED IN PART 2 – GUIDED MISTLETOE

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_**Ye Old Legal stuff:** Kim Possible, Shego, Wade Load, Ron Stoppable, Bonnie Rockwaller, Tara, Monique, Dr. Drakken, Will Du, Dr. Director and all other characters borrowed from the wonderful KP Universe are the creations of Mark McCorkle and Bob Schooley, and those names are all trademarks of the Disney media organizations. Although use in this context may be considered fair under parody law, just in case: this work was not created for profit, no money changed hands etcAlso, this story takes place at a time at which all characters shown should be considered to be over the legal age of 18. Apologies to the composers of all these classic songs: Dick Smith( WALKING IN A WINTER WONDERLAND aka Winter Wonderland, which BOB RIVERS adapted into WLKING ROUND IN WOMEN'S UNDERWEAR,) Charles Wesley, George Whitehead and Felix Mendlessohn, (HARK, THE HERALD ANGELS SING,) Jerry Herman (WE NEED A LITTLE CHRISTMAS, from the play MAME,) John Rox (I WANT A HIPPOPOTAMUS FOR CHRISTMAS,) Katherine Kennicott Davis (THE LITTLE DRUMMER BOY,) and Benjamin Hanby (UP ON THE HOUSETOP.) _


	2. Chapter 2

_Author's Note: Just getting this one in under the wire. Been fighting a bug for the last couple of days, but here it is. (Legal at bottom.) _

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**HOMICIDAL FOR THE HOLIDAYS **

By SHADO Commander

PART TWO – GUIDED MISTLETOE

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(NOTE: Dialog in _italics_ is SUNG)

Middleton. The chapter after the last chaper. All is not calm and things are definitely starting to look dim… at least when it comes to avoiding violence. Then again, it would be a darn boring Kim Possible fic if somebody wasn't slugging somebody or kicking them in the naughty bits. And speaking of naughty bits, our trio of Angels once again materialize in a glowing aura of light… only now Tara and Monique are dressed as Victoria's Secret Angels while Bonnie is wearing a black leather jacket that has the words Hell's Angel painted on the back, black hip boots… and, well, that's it, unless you count her gold nipple ring. Tara and Monique glare at Bonnie, having been one-upped again, but there's no time for arguing as they once again all begin to sing to the tune of **THE LITTLE DRUMMER BOY**

TARA, MONIQUE & BONNIE:

_As we warned you,  
Tara – Monique – Bon Bon…  
We're back with Chapter Two,  
Tara – Monique – Bon Bon…  
More songs will be destroyed,  
Tara – Monique – Bon Bon…  
(But at least we're still employed,)  
Tara – Monique – Bon Bon,  
Tara - Mon – Bon…  
Tara - Mon – Bon…_

_Now, back to the show,_  
_Tara – Monique – Bon Bon…_  
_With Kim and Shego,_  
_blow by blow…_

BONNIE: When last we left off, violence was impending,

MONIQUE: As Kim charged to face Shego, the city defending,

TARA: But was violence actually, what either was intending?

TARA, MONIQUE & BONNIE: (to the tune of HERE COMES SANTA CLAUS)

_Here comes Possible,  
Here comes Possible,  
Speeding right down the street,  
Driving like a lunatic,  
Pedal to the metal,  
She's got Shego to beat!  
Adrenaline pumping,  
Ready for Jumping,  
Into another cat fight,  
There'll be fisticuffs  
And lots of wrestling,  
'Cause it's coming to a head tonight!_

_Here comes Shego now,  
Here comes Shego now,  
In skin tight green attire,  
Looking for Kimberly,  
In denial that maybe she's  
Got her panties on fire!  
All alarms clanging,  
Ready for banging,  
Looking for Kimmie to sight,  
'Cause here in downtown,  
Something's going down,  
And it's all coming to a head tonight!  
_

And then it happens. Kim spies Shego. Shego spies Kim. Kim slams the Sloth over to the side of the road and leaps out to face her old flame… er, nemesis.

KIM: Shego!

(Both women assume 'ready to fight' positions.)

SHEGO: Kimmie!

KIM: Are you going to surrender peacefully, or do I have to take you down?

SHEGO: Oh, you so wish it'd be that easy, don't you? Well sorry Pumpkin, but in case you haven't noticed, there's no blue boy to distract me this time. It's just you and me, all alone, one on one, woman to cheerleader, hand to hand, fist to…

KIM: Yeah, yeah. Cut to the chase already, will you?

SHEGO: With pleasure!

(And with that, Shego attacks, hands aflame, as she begins to sing to the tune of [I'M GETTING] NUTTIN' FOR CHRISTMAS!)

SHEGO:

_I'm kicking your ass for Christmas,  
I'm laying you out, Princess!  
I'm kicking your ass for Christmas,  
Sorry to cause you distress!  
_

(Shego's confident words, however, aren't met by her actions, as Kim easily evades every swing… but at the same time, Kim seems equally challenged in actually connecting with Shego as she picks up the tune.)

KIM:

_I tried to plant one on her nose;  
But the bitch dodged on me!  
I tried to stomp on her green toes;  
But the bitch dodged on me!  
_  
SHEGO:

_I tried to bite and fight unfair!  
Tear out all of pumpkin's hair;  
Spank her till she can't use a chair;  
But the bitch dodged on me!_

KIM:

_'Cause, I'm kicking your ass for Christmas,  
Time to say your last Adieu!  
I'm kicking your ass for Christmas,  
Let me tell you what I'm gonna do…_

_I'll put my foot upside your butt;_  
_Hey, don't you duck on me!_  
_Post on Facebook that you're a slut;_  
_For all the world to see!_

SHEGO:

_I'll grind your face into the dirt.  
Say bad words that make you hurt.  
Rip the front off your mission shirt;  
Damnit, don't you dodge on me!  
_  
KIM:

_Nope, I'm kicking your ass for Christmas,  
And then I'll do it again!  
I'm kicking your ass for Christmas,  
'Cause my gift to you's lots of pain!_

SHEGO:

_I'm not giving up no matter what you do,  
I'm gonna win and when I'm through,  
I'll have kissed your sweet ass for Christmas!_

(Both Kim and Shego freeze, the former in shock, the latter in mortal terror as she realizes what just slipped through her treacherous green lips.)

KIM: WAIT! What? WAIT a dang second. Did you just say KISS, Shego?

SHEGO: Um, er… no. Of course not. I said kick. With a lisp.

KIM: No, I DISTINCTLY heard "KISS." And what's with that "sweet" you stuck in front of my ass?

SHEGO: (Blushing furiously) Um… er… would you believe I said 'beat?"

KIM: As in "Kick my beat ass?"

SHEGO: Yeah, right! That's exactly what I said!

KIM: No, I wouldn't believe that.

SHEGO: Mind control! That's it! I'm being mind controlled! Where's that patch…?

(Shego starts pulling open her catsuit, revealing a goodly portion of soft green epidermis to Kim's suddenly bulging eyes.)

KIM: Eep! Keep your damn clothes on, you psycho! It's hard enough ignoring your tits with it on!

SHEGO: WHAT?

KIM: Gack! Hits! I said ignoring your HITS!

SHEGO: And my lisp is getting contagious, is it?

(Both women stare at each other in silence for a Looooong moment.)

KIM: Um, er… how about I believe yours if you believe mine?

SHEGO: I don't know… Um…

KIM: This is really awkward.

SHEGO: Yeah… I kinda…

KIM: Yes Shego?

SHEGO: I like seeing you in the old mission suit. Was there… some special meaning in wearing it?

KIM: Did… you want there to be?

SHEGO: No! No… it's just that… well, it looks really good on you. The purple's okay, but I always thought you looked best in black and green.

KIM: You… do?

SHEGO: Well… yeah. Whenever I think about you, it's usually in that outfit.

KIM: Really? Uh… and… you think about me?

SHEGO: All the time. Who else do I have in my life besides Mister Tiny-hands?

KIM: I… never really thought about it. I just figured that you had a guy… a life… somewhere else.

SHEGO: Not for a long time. I… kinda lost interest after…

KIM: After…?

SHEGO: After this crazy little cheerleader walked into my life.

(Kim looks at Shego in disbelief, her mind now completely blown.)

KIM: Ooookay. Did you come here just to mess with my mind?

SHEGO: Well, actually… the reason why I came is kinda funny, considering…

TARA, MONIQUE & BONNIE: (To the tune of SANTA CLAUS IS COMING TO TOWN)

_You'd better watch close,  
You'd better watch quick,  
'Cause we're adding a fast flashback to this fic,  
Because we're trying to cut the total word count down!_

_Yes it's a cheap artistic cop out,_  
_To jump in time around,_  
_And only just now to explain,_  
_Why Shego really came to town!_

_So you'd better watch close,  
You'd better watch quick,  
'Cause we're gonna pull a literary trick,  
And on the reasons for Shego's coming, expound!  
_  
Segue to a hidden lair just a few hours earlier, where the Senior Family's Annual SuperVillains Holiday XmaHanuKwanza party is in full swing. The party has obviously been going for a while, and currently SENOR SENIOR JR. and MOTOR ED are arm wrestling while DRAKKEN and DEMENTOR are vying for the attention of DNAMY, who is ignoring both of them in favor of MONKEY FIST… even though he's still frozen in the form of a statue and a lousy conversationalist.

Off to one side, obviously NOT enjoying the festivities, is SHEGO, who slumps at table holding a Midori Sour and a scowl that's even sourer. SHe barely even reacts as SENOR SENIOR SR., resplendent in an impeccably tailored white suit walks up holding a glass of champagne.

SENOR SENIOR SR.: Feliz Navidad, Miss Shego. I cannot help but notice that you do not seem to be feeling merry.

SHEGO: Nope. No one named Mary here, but if you want to get in line, I think Adrena Lynn's boffing anything with a male member in the back room.

SENOR SENIOR SR.: Ah, that explains the frequent screams of "Freaky!" and where Killigan has disappeared to. But come now, surely you must have some reason to be of cheer this fine Holiday season?

SHEGO: Really, Senior? I don't know why you'd think that, because the last place I want to be is here, playing nursemaid to little boy blue.

SENOR SENIOR SR.: Hmmm. I was wondering about that. So you are, how does the idiom go, on the job?

SHEGO: Yep. Not that I have anyplace else to go really, because nobody wants a green Christmas.

SENOR SENIOR SR.: Oh, I'm sure that's not true, my dear. A charming villainess such as yourself? But come… let me see if I can convince you otherwise.

(Producing Junior's silver spoon from his pocker, Senior Sr. taps it lightly on the side of his glass, quickly gaining the attention of everyone else in the room.)

SENOR SENIOR SR.: Friends in evil! I thank you all for coming to my little island fantasyland and hope the drinks and hors d'oeuvres are to your liking.

(Other villains all make sounds of appreciation)

SENOR SENIOR SR.: Excellent! Now, as you know, we do not celebrate that tradition known as Thanksgiving in my native land, but I have always admired the spirit of the occasion. Therefore, in place of our usual simple toast to villainy, I would like to propose instead that this year we each volunteer a brief thought on what it is that we have to thankful for this Holiday season and in the coming year. Would the rest of you be amenable to that?

ADRENA LYNN: (from the other room, rather orgasmically) YES! YES! YES! FREEAAAAAAAAKY!

SENOR SENIOR SR.: Very well then! Miss Amy… as our Grande Dame, would you care to begin?

DNAMY: Why certainly senior!

(Amy strikes a pose next to the statue of Monkey Fist as an inexplicable spotlight appears on her and she begins singing to the tune of MY FAVORITE THINGS)

DNAMY:

_Half lobster puppies wearing pink mittens,  
Giant grasshoppers with the heads of kittens  
When I start playing with DNA strings,  
I end up creating my favorite things…  
_  
_Then there's this statue that once was my Monty,  
Just take it for granite, he once was quite jaunty,  
How ironic, I'd hoped for an engagement ring,  
Instead I got a rock but not one bit of bling…_

_I keep him on my dresser, he won't fit in my purse,  
Still I've got a man, so I guess it could be worse,  
But though I've searched Google and also on Bing,  
I haven't yet found a cure for this curse thing…_

_Twisted studies,  
Cuddle buddies,  
But when I feel sad,  
I simply go out and do horrible things  
Because I'm evil and bad…_

(As Amy finishes her set, the spotlight mnoves to other villains in turn, each of whom picks up the song)

MONKEY FIST: (In thoughts heard only by the readers)

_Oh what I'd give for just one monkey ninja,  
But better a statue on Amy's credenza,  
Than to be the object of her romantic fling,  
How can love be such a horrible thing?_

MOTOR ED:

_Mousse for my mullet, shifting and braking,  
Unlocked convertibles, ripe for the taking,  
Playing a riff on my air guitar's strings,  
And driving my ride over all sorts of things_

SENOR SENIOR JR.:

_Lots of spray tanning, and pants that are too tight,  
My concert tour, though it was canned after one night,  
And cutting a single with imprisoned O-boys…  
These are a few of my favorite joys _

SENOR SENIOR JR., MOTOR ED, MONKEY FIST:

_Off key singing,  
Alarms ringing,  
Being a stoned cad,  
The three of us all do horrible things,  
Because we're evil and bad!_

SENOR SENIOR SR.:

_Death rays and heat rays and bombs of all sizes,  
Thinking of awful new forms of demises,  
The lucrative rewards that pure evil brings,  
These are a few of my favorite things…_

DEMENTOR:

_Henchmen mit looze moralz und girls who are looser,  
Perhapz a pan dimensional vortex inducer,  
Ze wonderful burning way iodine stings,  
Zeese are a few of my favorite things! _

DRAKKEN:

_Synthodrones, evil clones and plain old robots,  
Tying Kim Possible up with lots of square knots,  
The nasty scarring that radiation brings,  
These are a few of my favorite things…_

SENOR SENIOR SR., DRAKKEN AND DEMENTOR :

_Evil plotting,  
Dead things rotting,  
When we're feeling sad  
We cheer ourselves up doing horrible things,  
Because we're evil and bad!_

The music continues and the spotlight passes to Shego, but she misses the first few bars and after a moment the music peters out as all of the other villains stare at her.

SHEGO: Huh? What?

DRAKEN: Well, Shego… everyone else DID sing their verse….

SHEGO: Oh… Um… alright… (Music resumes)

_Filing my nails and watching television,  
Mocking my employer with lots of derision,  
Smashing things, bashing them and leaving dings,  
These are a few of my favorite things…_

_Fighting teen heroes who sneak in our lair,_  
_Rolling and punching and pulling her hair,_  
_Kicking and scratching and lots of wild swings,_  
_These are a few of my favorite things…_

_Grabbing my Princess, rolling on the ground,  
Whamming her, slamming her, Kung Fu-ling around,  
The beautiful scent that Kim's sweat always brings,  
These are a few of my favorite things…_

Shego stops as she realizes that the other villains are STILL staring at her.

SHEGO: Uh… what now?

DRAKKEN: Shego… as your employer I think it's only fair to tell you that I've been VERY disappointed in your job performance this year.

SHEGO: WHAT?

DRAKKEN: That's right. In reviewing this year's records, I've noted that you fought Kim Possible one less time this year than last year, and I demand my money's worth. Therefore, although I know it will pain you greatly, I think I'm going to have to insist that you skip the rest of tonight's merry festivities and go fight Kim Possible right now.

SHEGO: (Hopefully) What? You want me… to just go… and fight Kimmie… I mean Kim? Right now?

DRAKKEN: Yes, RIGHT now. I want this settled, one way or another.

SHEGO: Um… okay. I mean, IF you insist.

DRAKKEN: And don't come back until you've resolved this!

SHEGO: RIGHT! You got it Boss!

Shego straightens herself with a resolved look on her face, them marches out of the room. Drakken watches her leave with a resigned expression.

DRAKKEN: Sigh… I'm going to miss her.

DNAMY: Why Drew, that was actually rather sweet of you.

DRAKKEN: Eh, it was inevitable, really. The attractive female sidekick always ends up falling for the hero.

SENOR SENIOR SR.: That's true. Page 76 of the Villainy Manual; The Pussy Galore Syndrome.

DNAMY: Still… You know, I think maybe it's time that I put Monty here in the closet and got on with my life.

Drakken looks at DNAmy in surprise as the flashback ends and we're back with Kim and Shego.

KIM: Hey, how can you remember things in your flashback that took place after you left?

SHEGO: How in the heck should I know? But that's besides the point. You asked me why I came here and I told you. To even things up.

KIM: One way or another?

SHEGO: Yeah.

KIM: Then I chose "Other."

And with that, Kim leaps on Shego and plants the hottest, wettest kiss ever seen in downtown Middleton on the surprised villain's face. Shego's look of shock only lasts a millisecond, though, and quickly turns to pleasure as she returns the kiss... which continues until they both finally have to come up for air, which is a surprisingly long time.

SHEGO: Damn!

KIM: Hot Damn!

SHEGO: But uh… what about the whole good/evil thing?

KIM: Oh, I think we can negotiate a peaceful settlement. If you agree to try to be just a little more good, I can be very, VERY naughty. In fact…

(Kim leans over and whispers something into Shego's ear.)

SHEGO: Oh, Kimmie… Santa is SO not coming to your house this year!

KIM: Then it's a good thing that Santa's not the one I want coming there.

(Kim and Shego re-embrace as the entire rest of the cast suddenly appears for no good reason and begins to sing the big final number to the tune of HOLLY, JOLLY CHRISTMAS)

ALL:

_Yes, it's a very slashy ending,  
As our story draws to a close,  
And you now know,  
That it ends KiGo,  
But that's just how it goes._

_It's a very slashy ending,  
But everyone keeps on their clothes,  
Unfortunately,  
We're rated "T",  
And this is all we can expose._

_Yes, it's a very slashy ending,_  
_And we hope one thing is clear,_  
_Oh by golly have a very slashy holiday this year!_

And since the deadline for the contest fast approaches... The End!_  
_

###############################################D

_**Ye Old Legal stuff:**__ Kim Possible, Shego, DNAmy, Monkey Fist, Senor Senior Sr., Senor Senior Sr., Motor Ed, Professor Dementor, Adrena Lynn, Duff Killigan, Wade Load, Ron Stoppable, Bonnie Rockwaller, Tara, Monique, Dr. Drakken, Will Du, Dr. Director and all other characters borrowed from the wonderful KP Universe are the creations of Mark McCorkle and Bob Schooley, and those names are all trademarks of the Disney media organizations. Although use in this context may be considered fair under parody law, just in case: this work was not created for profit, no money changed hands etcAlso, this story takes place at a time at which all characters shown should be considered to be over the legal age of 18. Apologies to the composers of all these classic songs: Katherine Kennicott Davis (THE LITTLE DRUMMER BOY,)Gene Autry and Oakley Haldeman (_HERE COMES SANTA CLAUS,) John Frederick Coots and Haven Gillespie (SANTA CLAUS IS COMING TO TOWN),) Sid Tepper and Roy C. Bennet ([I'M GETTING] NUTTIN' FOR CHRISTMAS,) Richard Rogers and Oscar Hammerstein II (MY FAVORITE THINGS,) and Johnny Marks (HOLLY, JOLLY CHRISTMAS.)


End file.
